9.22.2000: Appointed "Adviser to the Director General" of the Int'l Biographical Centre ($1395 includes 200 business cards) (8/00) Pronounced as one of the "Outstanding Speakers of the 20th Century ... one of a very distinguished few" ($850.00 covers cost of a plaque-mounted gavel "hand carved in fine wood" ready for "immediate hanging" - gavel is "removable and ready for instant use" - order, order!) (8/00) Invited to join the ABI's Board of Advisors, entitling me to nominate my friends for other spurious awards; but the standards are high: I need their zip codes (8/00) Recognized as a member of the "International Order of Merit" ($1395 includes "illuminated testimonial" and the right to use "IOM" after your name) (7/00) Nominated as "Deputy Governor" of the "American Biographical Institute" ($995 - includes "a resplendant wall plaque ... your acceptance will repesent an endless alliance with other outstanding individuals from the world over ... the names of the Deputy Govenors will be indelibly imprinted onto the ABIRA's official stationery") (7/00) Included in "The 2000 Outstanding Intellectuals of the 20th Century ($215.00 - "only two thousand Outstanding Intellectuals can be featured") (6/00) Elected as "Deputy Director General" of the Int'l Biographical Centre ($1265.00 - includes the right to use 'DDG' after your name, and a letter to your Mayor suggesting an official presentation ceremony) (5/00) Nominated for "Universal Award of Accomplishment" ("Administrative fee" is a mere $1265.00 -includes gold-plated statuette in 'futuristic blend of today and tomorrow' on 'solid walnut' base) (4/00) Nominated for "1000 World Leaders of Influence" ($345.00 - includes giant shiny plaque with your picture on it) (3/00) Listed in "The 2000 Outstanding Writers of the 20th Century" ($165.00 - includes 'silver-toned' medallion, 'maximum 40 characters')